It’s just sad that you all live such pathetic lives that you can’t take a second to do some research—or at least to look at the box of whatever sad little game you guys have been playing. I’m embarrassed to be on the same planet as people who clearly don’t know that it’s actually spelled Mario Kart. Not that I’m one for crying over pointless things like Lady Gay might, but I actually feel like weeping for humanity.

Dude, you totally shouldn’t let little things bug you so much. People make spelling mistakes in stuff, I don’t even think spelling Mario Kart wrong, however a totally awesome game it may be, is a big deal or whatever. Chill out.

Howdy.
Sam! How are you? It’s seems like it’s been forever since I talked to you

Hey, Quinn! Man, I know. It’s crazy. At least I’ve signed up to this thing now, so we can keep in touch and stuff. I’m pretty good, I totally can’t complain. How are you, Miss Ivy League? Stuff good at Yale?
If I thought you were even remotely worthy of an explanation, then I would have jumped at the opportunity to give you one. If I see that you cross a line of mine one more time, then I’ll be a lot less polite than I’m being at the moment. And you can take that as a threat.

Dude, I ain’t threatened by you. It don’t even have to come to that. If you tell me exactly what it is I’m doin’, I’ll happily cut it out.

Damn. Out of all the awesome things about Brittany, I’m probably gonna have a lot of trouble with this one. My most favorite thing about Brittany is probably… I mean, she’s obviously one of the most beautiful girls to ever exist, if not the most beautiful girl to ever exist, but I think her personality’s awesome. She’s real kind-hearted and is, like, the biggest sweetheart ever. I’m a lucky dude. A bonus? She laughs at every single one of my impressions.

Like, shorter than it is now? Yeah, I totally would. You know, I wouldn’t be against it or whatever. Think it needs a little cut.

Howdy, Marley! Yeah, it feels awesome to be back on here. How’s it going?
I’m not going to humor you with an explanation. Just know that you’ve made it onto my hit list.

What? I don’t get it. I’m pretty sure I ain’t done something to annoy you. An explanation would actually be awesome, dude.

Sebastian Smythe, I thought I’d answer this to let you know that I’m totally confused. Totally.

She totally didn’t. I trust Brittany, I certainly ain’t gonna trust somebody I don’t even know.